A few things that I will remember from this weird situation I am in...
The fact that people think I am already finished with my mission and say to me, "Wow! It's been 18 months already?!" Ha. No. It has not been 18 months already...
After being on a mission for over a year, it drives me nuts to not have something to do every single second of everyday. I don't have every minute of my day planned out, even if I really tried to plan it all out, it wouldn't work as it did on the mission. Life off the mission is harder to plan. Mission life is GO, GO, GO. Now being home with pretty much no obligations, it's weird. I don't have a job. No school. No official church calling. Only doctors appointments and church. That isn't much considering the fact that I only have a doctor's appointment like once a week. (Not for long!).
This will sound goofy, but every time I hear a swear word I am horrified! Hahaha. I feel like I should have always been horrified, but I wasn't. It was normal to hear it out in public. But after being a missionary, NO. It's not normal. It's never okay.
I do not find as much interest in the music I listened to before my mission. Not all of it was bad, but there just isn't meaning to it. I have been used to singing hymns everyday, where there is meaning in every word you sing.
It is not as easy as I thought to do 2+ hours of study everyday. Not only do I mean study, but I mean uninterrupted, quiet, in depth study of the scriptures, Preach My Gospel, talks, etc.
Keeping the end goal of all of this is what keeps me going. My goal is to get better as soon as possible and go back to the mission as soon as possible. I am well on my way. Which is good. Turns out my gallbladder hasn't been functioning as well as it could have been. So I am meeting with a general surgeon to figure out when to get it taken out.
I just love my mission. I miss being able to go out everyday, all day, and talk to people. And share what we know to be true. The friendships I made on my mission are like no other. The common interest of sharing the Gospel of Jesus Christ to all unites people in a special way. The blessings I have received from being a missionary are above that which I can count. It is not even fair how much I received. I feel like I don't deserve it. But that is what happens when you serve Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ, they bless you beyond imagination.
It is not easy. Not easy at all. Don't ever let a returned missionary tell you the mission was easy, because it just isn't. Missions are very difficult, and very draining. Not just physically, but emotionally and mentally. I found myself feeling like a failure more than I want to admit. I felt like I was useless sometimes. But then I would remind myself that I was being dumb for thinking that. And that I was a missionary for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I was not a failure and I was not useless. I was and still am on the Lord's side. We receive so much help and guidance when in the service of God. We can't afford to have it any other way.
Our dear Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ love us so much. They know us. They know what they get themselves into when they give you a church calling, when you are called to be a missionary. They already know we are imperfect, I had to remind myself of this a lot. They know I am not going to do everything the way they would, but they know that if I do it myself I will grow. They give us responsibilities so that we can grow. And that is also why we have difficulties and trials. They love us enough to give us those dark, dark times. It absolutely kills them to see us in that state. But they love us and want to help us become like them so that we can feel the same joy that they feel. Those difficulties and trials that we encounter now help us to feel great joy and happiness in the world to come.
I know these things are true.
