Last email from the mission...

I feel like this email will seem very dramatic (yes, I know I am dramatic), but I mean everything I will say. 

My heart is very full.  Full of many, many feelings.  Nothing can really describe what I feel and what I want to express because everything is just to great.  

My heart is sad.  Very, very sad.  Yesterday was a hard day.  I love the Spanish branch here.  I love the people we teach.  I love my companion.  I love the missionaries I work with.  I love President and Sister Felix.  I have loved it all.  That is something I have always loved and not loved at the same time.  I have learned that I love people so quickly.  Which I love.  But when it comes to be time to leave.  It makes it very difficult.  I never realized how much I could love others until I came on my mission.  I always thought it was so cheesy when I would hear people stand up in Sacrament Meeting and say, "I just love you all.  I don't really know you, but I love you."  I didn't get it!!  Then I came on my mission.  I remember my first area, I instantly loved complete strangers, but then they aren't strangers.  They are my brothers and sisters.  Loving others.  I feel that is a gift that I have been given and I am happy to be able to recognize it.  

My heart is nervous.  We all have hopes, goals, and plans.  It's time for me to get going.  I always had something to reach toward and work towards.  First it was what, baptism?  YW's.  Personal Progress.  Going to school.  A mission.  But now what?  We all know exactly what's next in my life.  I actually start REAL life now!!  I need to get an education.  I need to take it seriously.  I have to take dating seriously.  (Eww.  Weird.  And yes, president talked to me about all of this already).  But, I think it is a good nervous.  I'm not nervous about going back to the person I was before., I hear missionaries say that is their fear.  But no, I am changed.  There is no way I can go back to who I was.  I have learned how to become my best self.  Obviously I'm not done changing into my self, I know that!  But hey!  I'm doing a whole lot better than before.  For that I am very grateful!

My heart is excited.  I am excited to see what happens next in my life!  I know I have much to do.  If I am not working towards worthy goals then I am going down.  It's like running up an escalater that is going down.  If I stop then I will stop progressing.  I am excited to be with my family again.  To go to school.  Work.  And go!

My heart is happy!  I am happy.  I could not have done what I have done without Jesus Christ and Heavenly Father.  I couldn't have done this without the mighty prayers of everyone.  Because I have been changing, I have been able to do everything that has been placed before me.  I know that I didn't change myself, it was because of my dear Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ.  I have felt Them carry me through many events of my mission.  Not only the fact that I went home during the mission, a whole lot more than that!  It's because of them that I am here today.  I know that they used other people to help me as well.  My companions.  Whether we got along or not, they were put in my life for a reason.  My leaders.  Again, whether or not we got along, they were put in my life for a reason.  The members!  Oh my goodness, I have met so many amazing members here.  The people I have taught!!  They are amazing, I love them!  My heart is happy because I have met so many amazing people.  I have been able to see the ministering of angels during my mission.  I remember that was something I was blessed with, my first setting apart.  I have truly witnessed that multiple times during my mission.  My second setting apart.  I can truly say EVERYTHING that was said in there has happened.  Not that I doubted they would happen, I just feel it interesting that they didn't happen until my last transfer here.  But that just lets me know even better how perfect Heavenly Father's timing is.  I know that there was no way for me to be here NOW if I wouldn't have gone home earlier.  His timing is perfect, His plan is perfect, He is perfect.  I just remember how awful and painful it was to go home.  I just cried and cried.  But now looking back I don't feel the awful pain and sadness.  I am still crying and crying, but they are tears of joy, of gratitude and happiness.  That's what Heavenly Father does!!  Oh Him!! :)

Again.  My heart is full.  Words really can't express all that I want to say.  But here was my attempt.  Sorry, it could be better!  

I will be home soon.  I am grateful to have closure.  I am grateful to be able to say I did my duty, I served faithfully and I can honestly say that I have no regrets.  That is what I wanted all along.  No regrets.  I love this work.  Hoy es un gran dia para ser una misionera.  I love Heavenly Father.  Just as I said in June 2013.  What greater gift can I give to my Heavenly Father than to serve a mission?  I still feel it isn't enough, and I know it's not.  But, I know that I can keep moving forward and that He is happy with what I have done.  

Finishing my mission is proof that I can do hard things.  I will continue to do hard things.  I love being a missionary.  I wish it wasn't over.  But there is more to come.  

I will see you soon.  Hopefully I don't get stuck in Chicago. ;)

Love,

Hermana AhMu